Don’t forget to live…
The idea for this blog came to mind as I attended the funeral of a friend (my husband’s friend’s wife who recently passed from cancer). I wish I could say that this woman was a good friend, those in attendance at her funeral certainly had wonderful things to say about her strong spiritual beliefs and bravery in the face of her death as she ended a three year battle from a rather rare form of cancer. Those close to her were fortunate to have known her.
I didn’t. Not really. I sat there thinking about how she had tried to reach out to me through our husbands and had expressed wanting to get to know me better. I am rather embarrassed to say that I did not take her up on her offer/s. At the time, I was too busy and self absorbed in my world of infertility and later with our adoption process to want to get to know anyone. Always waiting for a baby. It took up all of my energy. I have hoped and stressed about it, cried over it, curled up numbing myself over the tv eating over it.
I have avoided friends with small children as well as my own nieces and nephews. I did this out of pain and I was stuck in a place of self pity. It was simply too painful to be around those happy children when I was still waiting to have my own. Being placed with our daughter brought me leaps forward in my healing process from infertility. (I will write more about this on a future blog post.)
Now looking back, hindsight being 20/20, I can clearly see that my life has been in a holding pattern. First in infertility, waiting for our daughter, and now waiting for our son. Going on about 7 years now. Yes, you heard me 7 years. I heard somewhere there is a saying called the 7 year itch. Some might say, just be happy for where you are…look at how far you have come. It’s time to scratch.
Waiting now 8 months to hear word on being matched with a son, I have managed to put on about 12 pounds. Most of which has been in the last 3 months. I have eaten mountain of chips, chocolate and drank a river of pop for those 12 pounds. More than that, it pains me to say that this holding pattern of mine has really effected my relationships (or lack thereof) my marriage, friendships, and worst of all my relationship with our daughter. I have been struggling to stay positive through this process and she doesn’t understand when mommy’s not feeling well enough to play.
Enough is enough! Don’t forget to live. This is the one piece of advice I have for anyone going through an adoption process. This time I will listen to my own words of wisdom and take them in. Don’t put your life on hold while you are waiting. The hardest thing for me has been to surrender control and to know that things will happen in our highest good. There is a little boy out there who is a perfect fit for our family and when he is ready he will find us. Until then I will cherish each day that we have with our daughter and surrender that things will happen when they were meant to happen. I will get my butt off the couch and put my energy toward living life with my family and getting myself into a healthier space of readiness to be a mother to this child. There, he is one step closer to finding us now, I can feel it.